A New Lease On Life…

11 Jul

With my hair straightened and blow-dried, I precariously applied a light coat of lip gloss.  I studied myself in the mirror one last time and thought, “Hmm…not too bad, girlfriend.”

The meticulous preparation and the subtle pep talk to self was reminiscent of being single and first dates.  But it wasn’t.  Instead, I left the bathroom and went to find my husband to ask for his opinion.

“Wow !  You look like a brand new person…” he beamed.

The moment his face lit up when I walked into the room, I knew I hadn’t just been placing tabs on myself.

I knew I felt good.  I knew I felt confident and comfortable in my skin.

But he proved that it was also visible.

The new me.

Walking to the bus stop, waiting in anticipation, I was eager to meet up with my newly acquainted friends.

I believe that people step into your life at the right time for the right reasons.  I found it to be true when meeting my husband.

Having only met these ladies once before, we established a connection in the first instance.  So much so that I went home not being able to sleep – my head whirling with the possibilities of where the friendship could take us.

The only natural progression was to see them again soon after.  To be absolutely sure we were on the same page.  That the initial profound conversations were not a fluke.

And they weren’t.

We immediately picked up where we left off – sharing secrets, trading stories, planning goals together.

It had been awhile since I felt involved.  Where my opinion mattered.  Where my past experiences in the corporate world were considered valuable.  An asset, even.  Delving into the conversations – feeding off from each other’s excitement and passion – I felt alive again.

I know I never died.

This is not to claim that my roles as a wife and mother are unsatisfying.  Or that my existing long-term relationships and friendships are inadequate.  Getting caught in the humdrum of life, sometimes there is little time left for family and a handful of friends.

So, how is it possible that I establish a new circle ?

Where did the need come from ?

The unquenchable search to figure out my purpose in life beyond motherhood.

That it is possible to find an even newer lease on life…

Training for City2Surf: Little Miss E – Week 6

10 Jul

To end a crappy week, last Friday afternoon was one of the most brilliant and memorable that I’ve had in a loooong time.

A special little girl came to pay me a visit.

It had been almost six months since I had seen her last, at her first birthday party.  But the moment she walked through the door, she still made my heart melt just like the first time I met her back in the days of NICU.

Little Miss E was born three days after the twinlets at the same hospital.  As the surviving identical twin, her start to life is a story of true inspiration.

This little tyke was born 13 and a half weeks premature.  And her birth weight was 720 gms (less than three slabs of butter).  After battling through three long months in NICU, Little Miss E beat the odds.

She started here…

And in 11 months, progressed to here…

To be the smiling cherub who came to visit last Friday…

On August 14, as I pound that pavement in the City2Surf, I’ll be running for Little Miss E – the Miracle Baby that holds a special place in my heart.

Please click here if you would like to donate to the Miracle Babies Foundation – a support group for parents and families of premature babies and sick newborns, and the hospitals that care for them.

A big thank you to Little Miss E’s mum for allowing me to share her daughter’s journey…Love you, Mama Tim Tam xxx

Things I Know

8 Jul

What a rollercoaster week it’s been in our household !

Sickness has run rampant over here and there were some fragile moments where I thought I was going to lose my head.

I,  for one am glad that it’s Friday – not because the weekend is around the corner (like that makes a difference to us mums…), but because it looks like the boys are finally on the mend.

Linking back to the lovely Shae at Yay For Home! for my list of “Things I Know”

Starting with the obvious:

Dealing with sick twins is really, really, REALLY hard work.  Due to his wheezy cough Little K has been on asthma preventer medication as well as ventolin.  In the meantime, Little N has had a nose running like a crazy tap and was up and down with a fever.  It’s been heartbreaking to see them in such discomfort; not being able to understand what’s going on with their little bodies.

Staying all day in your pyjamas is one thing.  Actually having a morning shower, then changing into a fresh pair of pyjama bottoms was my way of surrendering to another day of indoor confinement and concentrating on getting the twinlets better.

Sexy ? Yes ?

Grabbing two take-away coffees is a great contingency plan when facing a day with grizzly sick twinlets.

$2 calculators are a great substitute for mobile phones yet still make a great distraction for the twinlets.  Also, we no longer need to worry about cell radiation.

"Two squared equals...twin trouble ???"

It only takes three special (and secret) ingredients to make these “never fail” scones.  A big thanks to an old high school friend who entrusted me with the recipe.  If I’m really nice to her, I’m sure she’ll let me share it with you all.  In the meantime, can you guess what the ingredients might be ???

The photo doesn't do these scrumptious babies justice...

I owe a big thank you to everyone for their support, love and caring comments on my blog this week.  You guys all played an integral part in getting me through these rough few days.

Hugs and love.

See you next week xxx

And It All Began With An Eye Twitch…

7 Jul

I need to firstly apologise for all the doom and gloom posts that I’ve written lately.

But I’ll be honest.  This has to be the toughest week of motherhood I’ve so far experienced.

And I write this not for sympathy or understanding.  I just need to let it out in my own space here.

The stress.  The anxiety.  The sleep deprivation.

The friggin’ eye twitch…

It’s come to a point where I can’t articulate it to anyone.  Not even my own husband.

Sometimes, I feel he’s even let me down this week.

Maybe, I just take things too personally.

The uglys of motherhood – perhaps I’m supposed to try and approach them with a smidgen of salt.

When two 17 month old toddlers are screaming in my ear, doing the back-arch and surfboard positions each time I try to carry them;  When I’m trying to wipe the disgusting snot from their noses and its remnants in their hair without them throwing a major tantrum; When I’m trying to keep their surprisingly strong little bodies still on the change table;  When they throw back their heads in protest in their high-chairs, screaming their lungs out, with food strewn all over the kitchen floor and walls…

Why does it all get to me ?

Or I guess, more to the point:  Why do I let it all get to me ?

I’ve been going to bed before 9 for three nights straight.  I can’t think of the last time I needed this much sleep.  But it’s not a deep slumber the entire time.  And curling up in bed so early in the evening with a hot water bottle isn’t even about the opportunity to get ample sleep anymore.

It’s the attempt to get some peace and quiet.

To give my body a break from all the stress it goes through during the day;  To feel my chest fill with air instead of it feeling tight with anxiety;  To stop my hands from shaking with nervous energy from all the crying in the background.

I know all this too shall pass, as the famous saying goes.

Still.  It hasn’t stopped this bloody eye from twitching…

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday – Bathtime

6 Jul

Bathtime:  When energy levels have hit their peak for the day, the twinlets are wearing their dinner and we throw them in the bath tub.

The end of the day when I breathe a sigh of relief because I know it’s almost their bedtime !

Linking up with My Little Drummer Boys for Wordless Wednesday.  See you over there !

"Dude...where you goin' ? Camera's this way..."

"Here we go ! UP ! Uh...I mean...down..???"

"Okay...DOWN ! Uh...I mean...up ???"

"Okay, okay...take 3 ! UP !!! Or is down ???"

"Aaand...back to where we started..."

I Just Need to Whine…Just a Little…

5 Jul

Often I get asked “How do you do it ?” when people refer to raising twins.

My response is always: “Well, I don’t know any different.”

And that’s the truth.

And like a lot of other life situations, we work with what we’ve been dealt with.  Period.

However (and this is a BIG however), when this house is plagued by sickness, the dynamics change drastically.

And I don’t cope very well.

Actually, I lose the plot.

Little K has had a wheezing cough for almost a month now.  Last week, our GP prescribed him with preventer medication.

His cough got worse.

He’s now on preventer medication and ventolin.

Oh, what joy that has been.

Trying to force a cylindrical plastic tube over a 17 month old toddler’s mouth and nose ?  And then squirting some sort of unidentifiable stuff into him ?

Trust me. It all gets very tricky.

Of course, in no time, Little N has also caught it.

The reaction has been different.

No wheezing cough but a runny nose that is so disgusting he looks like he’s constantly got two green caterpillars hanging above his lip.  Lovely.

And of course, Little N is like his mum – a complete princess when it comes to being sick.

A small swipe across his red raw nose with the snot rag; A thermometer in the ear; It’s all a major drama.

This is all another phase.  I know.

I have two little people of the same age.  Having no clue what’s going on with their little bodies.

Unable to communicate how crappy they feel.  (Except for the incessant crying, wailing and screaming, of course).

Unable to settle at night because they have so much mucus and other goober stuff coming out from all ends.

There is a small inkling that they both know something’s up.

To soothe him from his medication aftermath, I sit down and give Little K some big cuddles, rubbing his back.

Lately, Little N has started to come up and started patting his brother’s back too.

“Don’t worry, Buddy,” he seems to be saying.

“We’ll get through this…”

Sometimes, my weary mind tells me I need to just leave the kids with Hubby for half an hour.

Just get out.  Go for a walk.  Clear the head.

But God help me if I come across someone that asks me again, “How do you do it ?”

I am sure to clobber them.

Training for City2Surf: Going Solo – Week 5

5 Jul

Finishing up our training session last Thursday morning, our trainer told me that it was the last for two weeks.  (Thanks, blasted school holidays).

The moment she mentioned it, all those rejected feelings from the 80’s, 90’s and yes, even the Noughties came flooding back.

Desperate thoughts ran through my head.

“What ?  What am I going to do for the next two weeks ???”

And this was my problem:  I had been resting on my laurels.

Bondi Beach: The finishing line for the City2Surf (Photo taken at last year's event)

Training with the ladies was always my contingency plan.  My default.  If I didn’t have the time or -more importantly –  the motivation to do my own training for the City2Surf, I knew I was still giving my body a work out twice a week.

So, off I go.  Trying to do it solo.

Sacrificing sleep to fit the running before the household stirs.

So far, okay.

Stumbling through the bedroom to find my running gear in the pitch black darkness was a pain at first.

But I try not to give it too much thought.

Setting myself onto “Auto Pilot”, I head out on the 9km running trail I’ve mapped out for myself.

Once I get out there, I’m glad I did it.

So, six weeks to go until the big race.

Nervous.  Excited.  But still feel the need to improve.

The solo morning runs are a start, at least.

Highlights: 

I haven’t lost weight in two weeks.  Gone back to a bit of the *ahem* comfort eating.

But funnily enough, my body is still changing.  Catching my  shadow these days has become a subtle surprise.  The “muffin top” is far less prominent.

Achievements:

I’ve ran a total of 23 kms this week…Woot!  Woot !

Two weeks ago, that was unheard of.

Yes, precious sleeping time has suffered.  But, I think the long-term effects will make up for it.

P.S  I’m fundraising while I’m running !  My choice of charity is The Miracle Babies Foundation.  A support group for parents, families and hospitals looking after premature and sick newborn babies, these guys helped us through my little 5 week premmie twinlets’ shaky start to life.

If you would like to donate, please click here.

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