And It All Began With An Eye Twitch…

7 Jul

I need to firstly apologise for all the doom and gloom posts that I’ve written lately.

But I’ll be honest.  This has to be the toughest week of motherhood I’ve so far experienced.

And I write this not for sympathy or understanding.  I just need to let it out in my own space here.

The stress.  The anxiety.  The sleep deprivation.

The friggin’ eye twitch…

It’s come to a point where I can’t articulate it to anyone.  Not even my own husband.

Sometimes, I feel he’s even let me down this week.

Maybe, I just take things too personally.

The uglys of motherhood – perhaps I’m supposed to try and approach them with a smidgen of salt.

When two 17 month old toddlers are screaming in my ear, doing the back-arch and surfboard positions each time I try to carry them;  When I’m trying to wipe the disgusting snot from their noses and its remnants in their hair without them throwing a major tantrum; When I’m trying to keep their surprisingly strong little bodies still on the change table;  When they throw back their heads in protest in their high-chairs, screaming their lungs out, with food strewn all over the kitchen floor and walls…

Why does it all get to me ?

Or I guess, more to the point:  Why do I let it all get to me ?

I’ve been going to bed before 9 for three nights straight.  I can’t think of the last time I needed this much sleep.  But it’s not a deep slumber the entire time.  And curling up in bed so early in the evening with a hot water bottle isn’t even about the opportunity to get ample sleep anymore.

It’s the attempt to get some peace and quiet.

To give my body a break from all the stress it goes through during the day;  To feel my chest fill with air instead of it feeling tight with anxiety;  To stop my hands from shaking with nervous energy from all the crying in the background.

I know all this too shall pass, as the famous saying goes.

Still.  It hasn’t stopped this bloody eye from twitching…

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19 Responses to “And It All Began With An Eye Twitch…”

  1. Maria Tedeschi July 7, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    I take my hat off to you Mama Grace. You do awesome work.

    Love & stuff
    Mrs M

    • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 12:41 pm #

      Thanks, Mrs M. Just gotta get through this :-S
      Thanks so much for dropping by x

  2. Melissa Bannan July 7, 2011 at 1:03 pm #

    Ah yes, I remember those times exactly. I seem to remember having more of them than you have spoken about, but I highly doubt it seeing as you have 2 boys. I can only say what you have already heard and probably dont want to hear again but….its a stage and this too shall pass. Terrible I know, I used to HATE it when my Nan said that to me, but now I realize how true it is. Wait until they tell you ‘I dont love you anymore Mummy, I want to live in a different house’, or they say F***ING HELL for the first time, or you see them playing with their erections in the bath everynight, or they start getting out of their big boy beds over and over and over and over for hrs every single night (lucky H didnt do this one)….many more horrible stages to come – but many more amazing ones too ofcourse, but they dont seem to have the same impact for some reason – awful! Much as I love my husband, I cant only rely onmyself to get through these stages, he just doesnt seem to feel things like I do. I could write for hrs but Im on the QBR call!! LMAO!

    • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      Ah, Mel ! You always know how to help me put things in perspective. And to add some humour to my mundane SAHM life 🙂
      And yes – how is it these rubbish moments override those magical ones ?
      I take a deep breath knowing there’s lots more *ahem* challenging times ahead…I am earnestly hoping that I’ll have grown more patience by then.
      As for our beloved husbands – god knows they try. They do.
      Anyway, thanks for helping me get out of the dark today.
      You better get back to your all-important QBR 🙂

  3. Christine July 7, 2011 at 1:22 pm #

    “When two 17 month old toddlers are screaming in my ear, doing the back-arch and surfboard positions each time I try to carry them; When I’m trying to wipe the disgusting snot from their noses and its remnants in their hair without them throwing a major tantrum; When I’m trying to keep their surprisingly strong little bodies still on the change table; When they throw back their heads in protest in their high-chairs, screaming their lungs out, with food strewn all over the kitchen floor and walls…

    Why does it all get to me ?

    Or I guess, more to the point: Why do I let it all get to me ?”

    Grace, I think it would be pretty much impossible to not let these things get to anyone!!! I can’t really give any advice cos I’m not a mum (or a mum of twins!) but I can just say that its obvious that you do a good job 🙂 Sounds like you guys need a holiday or a short break.. or another date night! And don’t forget there’s nothing wrong with taking a short break!!

    • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

      Thanks, Christine. Not sure if I’m doing a good job, but I’m trying…lol..
      Maybe I will take that short break. Maybe I’ll just continue with the early nights and concentrate on getting rid of this annoying eye twitch 🙂

  4. Sarah @GettingfromHeretoThere July 7, 2011 at 1:34 pm #

    Sending all the love you’ve sent me right back atcha! Letting it out in “my space” has helped enormously and I hope it’s helping you too. Sometimes it’s easier to write it out than to speak it. I know I’ve managed to get through to The Fisherman by getting him to read some of my posts.
    I think there’s an ebb and flow to our lives as Mamas… and I hope the tide turns for you soon xoxo

    • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 2:07 pm #

      Thank you, my dear!
      It’s amazing how we’ve never met and yet we’ve been mutually supporting each other the way we have.
      I tend to get a bit tongue tied trying to articulate things – I guess emotions get in the way too.
      Thanks for reading and “being there” xxxxx

      • kirri July 7, 2011 at 3:47 pm #

        The delights of having little twins….Can I share something with you…The first three years is the hardest – at least it was for me. Unbelieveable exhaustion and mind fatigue – getting to the point where I avoided socialising because I honestly feared my ability to hold a proper conversation. My brain span was approximately 20 seconds before I went into a stupor.

        The isolation that can come with having twins too..when I had one baby, I used to take her everywhere but its a whole diff ballgame trying to navigate twins out the door or even set them free at a park because they always go opposite ways!!

        The little mind games they play…the way they seem to care more about each others approval than their own parents…..ahh its all coming back to me *nightmares*

        I understand where you are at and what a difficult dark place it can be at times….I’m glad that you are letting it out on your blog and I hope you find a teensy bit of solace in your friends here….that includes me!

        Thinking of you and it does get easier….honest xx

      • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

        So, Kirri, does this mean I only have *counting fingers* 13 months of this joy left ??? 🙂
        You’re so on the money about “mind fatigue”
        Yet, here I am bitching and moaning with twins while you had twins + 1 !!!
        Hats off to you, lovely !
        Thanks for your thoughts and support.
        Like I said on Twitter, I read your comment and had to fight back the tears xxx

  5. moodimumma July 7, 2011 at 4:21 pm #

    Ahhh reading this has given me the biggest flash backs Grace!! My heart and thoughts are with you, even thinking of those times has my own chest squeezing with anxiety!! It does pass and it will pass, and I honestly believe it all gets easier with time xoxo

    • mamagrace71 July 7, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

      Thanks, Traci. Tomorrow’s a new day (Thank God !).
      Every mum goes through it, I know.
      Thanks for thinking of me xxx

  6. alyceb July 8, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    Aw hun, I’m sorry to hear xx

  7. Deb Wild Hope July 8, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    Ah, such tough times! Yes, it shall pass – but seriously I hope that happens like RIGHT NOW for you. 🙂 I hope you can get some immediate relief in some form. Any chance of family/friends helping you out?

    It gets to you because you are human! And this kind of pressure is more than even one (or two) care-givers can handle. (At times like these I often ask “Where is my tribe?”… So don’t be hard on yourself. You’re doing a great job… and yes your eye-twitch is your body’s way of saying “I’m not freaking enjoying this!”.. 🙂

    Feeling for you. And sending you love and hugs your way. xxx

  8. Kirsty July 13, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    Ooh I know EXACTLY how you feel! We have been on school holidays and my eldest is 5 (I have 5 kids, 5 years and under) and at prep, so the younger ones have been loving having him at home, but with that comes the extra screaming, no nap times, and all over annoying each other!! ooh and have 3.5 year old twins PLUS a 2.5 year old so they all seem to clash at different times of the day!

    I’m thankful that my eldest is the quiet calm natured boy and can play nicely with them all, its just the middle three that are feral sometime! I too cant wait for this time in my life to pass!
    Sending hugs your way! Hope this week is better for you x

    • mamagrace71 July 13, 2011 at 1:18 pm #

      Thank you, Kirsty ! You deserve a medal…twins + three !!!!!!!
      Things are a LOT better this week. It’s amazing how things change like day and night !
      Thanks for the hugs and love xxx

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Three and a half is a magic number « Happy Mums at Home - July 13, 2011

    […] a blogging buddy of mine, Grace -fellow mumma of twins and person I have grown to admire, had a bad week.  Make that a sleep deprived with sick, whiny 17-month old twins, at-the-end-of her […]

  2. Three and a half is a magic number - July 18, 2011

    […] a blogging buddy of mine, Grace -fellow mumma of twins and person I have grown to admire, had a bad week.  Make that a sleep deprived with sick, whiny 17-month old twins, at-the-end-of her […]

  3. Three and a half is a magic number | Happy Mums At Home - October 18, 2011

    […] a blogging buddy of mine, Grace -fellow mumma of twins and person I have grown to admire, had a bad week.  Make that a sleep deprived with sick, whiny 17-month old twins, at-the-end-of her […]

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