Yesterday’s Memories…

18 Apr

Tonight, I am compelled to write a blog post of reminiscences.

Recently, a friend announced the birth of his first child.  His FaceBook status updates filled with the thrill and joy of becoming a parent for the first time, sent me reeling back to our own first magical days.

It’s hard to believe that it was only over a year ago.  We’re going through that remarkable time when their reaching major milestones at such a rapid rate: walking, running, smiling, interacting, communicating.

As they develop into their own distinct personalities (Little K likes to play rough and tumble, Little N is a sensitive soul) and grow into actual little people, it gets harder to remember all the specific details of when they were first born.

But I just want to cling onto those precious memories.  Even if for just for a little longer.

What I can recall is out of sync.  The brain has no special function to retain any chronological order when you are completely swayed over by unconditional love and exhaustion.

How in one moment, I could feel swirly, swishy movements in my swollen belly, watching it harden with Braxton Hicks contractions.  Then what it seems like another blinking moment – my first born placed on my chest – looking straight into my eyes.  Before I can grasp any sense of reality, there is my second son.  Also, lying on top of me.

Surreal.  Two babies.  Two live beings.  In there.  Now, out here.  This is surreal.

I remember somehow finding the strength to visit the nursery to hold them later that evening.  An excited but nervous new mother.  Holding, helpless innocent little K.

Me holding Little K...just hours after he was born...

Trying to stay patient until the morning – when Little N is cleared from all the close monitoring and allowed out of the humidicrib.

The sense of relief of finally being able to hold them both in my arms, kissing their tiny little fingers, watching their beady little eyes, sleepily opening and closing.

Singing every single Indonesian lullaby  that my mother ever sang to me.  And when I finished singing them all, I would start all over again. Not caring if the nurses or other parents around me thought I was out of pitch.  Or tone deaf.  Or just wanted me to stop singing cheesy non-sensical melodies.

Tiny and fragile Little N

Just happily sitting in my own mummy daze with my very own boys.  Relishing in the fact that it was – at last – my turn to sing these very songs as a brand new mother.

How can one summarise the myriad of deep emotions when becoming a first time parent ?

How does one begin to explain the life-time experience ?

How do you make sense of the post-natal blur with distinct splashes of happiness, delight, nervousness, excitement and anticipation ?

Congratulating my new daddy friend, my message was simple:

Ah !  Nothing like a loved up brand new parent !  Enjoy !  These are the moments we live for.

Today (Little K driving, Little N pushing)


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